I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
