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That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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