took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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