filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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