did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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