I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
