Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
