hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
