idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I look better un-naked...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
