you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
