I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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