It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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