When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
