Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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