meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
