does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
