I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
