Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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