I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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