we made out on top of his cat.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
