Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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