i just had sex bonerless
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
