i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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