she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
