No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
