I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
