I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
