i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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