I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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