I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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