For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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