I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
