Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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