watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my sisters under your porch take her home
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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