Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sober January is a disaster.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
