i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize