Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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