did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
