i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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