You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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