Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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