What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
