one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
