I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize