On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
