New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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