i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
