You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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