i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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