did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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