someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
