He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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