I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
