You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
