I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
