How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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