What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
