how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
