I want to have your abortion
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
