Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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