omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
