I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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