It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
